:)

I think I like you. But I'm really not too sure.

Sick. Again.

I think it's getting really lonely around here. There's always this temptation to resolve all issues and get back together. But I think it would really lead to nowhere good. I blame this all on myself. It's been really hard. Suddenly the phone goes all quiet, when I'm sick, I have no one to talk to. When I'm happy, I have no one to share this joy with. Sometimes I would randomly type a text, and the number that automatically pops out after I finish typing it would be hers. I'm like some love sick puppy. I never thought that one day, I would ever feel this way. My weekends have been ever so lonely.

I need to grow up and grow out of this. Damn.

How about that. It's that time of the month again.

Putting myself In a Rut.

Stuck in an organisation that doesn't believe in giving adequate commendation for good performance. Instead, all it does is go about throwing extras at their employees, giving them a hard time. Come on, non of us asked to be here. Why should we be subjected to this kind of treatment? Contribute to the defence on the Nation? Hmmm. Not really.

I am trying to play my part, as an instructor in Basic Military School. But it seems like the efforts are never appreciated and people just constantly fault you for wrong doings that you never thought was wrong. In fact, what I feel was that it wasn't exactly a fault on my part, so why should I be subjected to this kind of treatment? I'm just getting so sick of this place. I trained for 9 months in Officer Cadet School, commissioned as an Officer, only to be placed in such dire situations.

Perhaps I'm thinking too much. Maybe it's due to the lack of sleep resulting in my grumpiness. But SERIOUSLY.

Speaking from the heart of a
conscripted soldier.

Finally, the day has arrived when I'll be producing my first batch of PRIVATES. I don't believe in god, but I hope someone will bless me. It's quite a scary feeling though. The lives of 60 newly enlisted soldiers handed over to me.

Talk about stress.

I thought since, I'm not doing anything now, I might as well blog on a not-so-recent incident I had with a partially retarded man I met on the bus. I was on leave last wednesday. Pretty boring day at home, so I decided to perhaps make a trip down to NP to accompany her home after her night class.

I wanted to make it a surprise visit, so I took a risk by coming down without informing her. Nothing much at that. I waited at the NP bus stop for her class to end. Moments later, I told her that I was waiting at the bus stop for her. Apparently, my surprise visit was almost ruined. Luckily, I gave her a call. Otherwise, she would have left for home in her supervisor's car. Still nothing much at that. Not so luckily, she was the SIM bus stop waiting. So I told her to take the bus, and just tell me what bus she was taking. So I boarded the bus 151 after her call.

I walked into the middle of the bus, and was looking all over for her, when she tapped me on the back. She was right next to the window. So between the her and me was a woman on the left, and a big burly looking guy who has his elbow in my face on the right.

So what I did was move ask her to move to the side, while I squeezed pass both persons into the empty space. THEN I TOLD MY GIRLFRIEND, "Move in, I don't want to get elbowed to death." So I was chatting chatting and I notice that big burly guy had his elbow in my face sat down. Throughout the 15-20 minutes of the bus ride, he was staring at me. So I thought, maybe I was really good looking that day. And seeing the size of the guy, I thought he might be gay. I did have my encounters with gay people before. I'm not sure why they would like a skinny guy like me:(

So the both of us alighted, the weirdo followed. He tapped me on the shoulder, and then started to question me, "WHY YOU CALL ME STUPID?!" Err.. I didn't call him that. So i told him nicely, "Nope, I didn't call you stupid." So he continued insisting that I called him stupid when I didn't. Then he said he wanted to bring me to police station. GO LOR. I did nothing wrong.

Fact 1: Why should I be afraid of a big gorilla like him.
BTW He was really huge. Like 1.8-1.9metre tall. His arms probably bigger than the size of my head.

So just as I started walking, my girlfriend started to ask, whats the issue. I said the issue is that this guy is accusing me of calling him stupid. And then the argument started again. So after verifying with my girlfriend about the fact whether I called him stupid or not, which was obviously in my favour, that loser brought in a new argument claiming I was staring at him. Staring at him?! Again I go, trying to explain that I wasn't even staring, and the one who was staring was he himself(that prick!). Again my girlfriend told him what was going on. I don't even know why I'm talking to such an A-hole.

After all that explaining, I guess he didn't have much to say, but didn't know how to step down from the embarrassment. So he starting arguing irrationally.

Retard: Don't play punk with me
Me: Who playing with you? So how you want to resolve this?
Retard: I demand an apology.
Me: Okay, I'm apologising for saying that you elbow might kill me, but I'm not apologising for calling you stupid.
Retard: You watch it.
Me: Watch what?
Retard: You just watch it!
Me: Yea, watch what?!
Retard: Don't let me see you again!
Me: Err, so if you see me again, what are you going to do?
Retard: *Repeats himself*
Me: So... are you threatening me now?
Retard: *Stares at me with his billard ball sized eyes*
Me (thinking): I hope he punches me! That way, I can lodge an official police report against him, and let this matter settle.

Bah. In the end, I just decided to let the matter rest by loserishly apologising, not that I really mean it, but that block of ego wouldn't budge. The whole matter was taking too much of my free time. Why waste time quarrelling with someone talks like a kid? IMAGINE SOME OLD GUY IN HIS LATE 20s COMING UP TO AND SAYING, "STARE WHAT STARE?" , or "KUAI SIMI LAN?" Really. That loser actually alighted the bus just to confront me. He wasnt' even staying in TPY.

Seriously........ With bullies like him running rampant around, I really fear for the safety of my girlfriend. Sigh. And he even prolly suspected that I was from NP since, I boarded the bus from NP. REALLY. NONO REALLY.

GOD SAVE US!




.

a question that bears no answer

I've always wondered if I am really that ugly looking, or that maybe I really a bit of a bore. I try so hard sometimes, I don't know if I am trying too hard. PEOPLE JUST DON'T SEEM TO TALK TO ME! I've always wanted female friends(not greedy, 1 or 2 is good enough). Genuine ones. Whom I can talk cock with, share a bit of my everyday life with, not in a romantic way, but of a friend-friend way.

I have to admit, sometimes I really need to put in that extra effort when it comes to making small talk. And with all that countless failed attempts at it, it just becomes so discouraging at the end of the day.

I do enjoy my fair share of male companionship, but perhaps a little female companionship wouldn't be too much to ask for right?

 I wish someone would just come up to me and tell me what is wrong. Maybe its my face. uhoh. So its personal.